TOP SECRET MILITARY COMMUNIQUE 
TO: COLONEL NACHMAN KARNI
SUBJECT: INTELLIGENCE UPDATE  

Colonel Karni
 Attached is an update on major world events during the past 25 years of your enforced leave of absence.  

Sincerely,  
Moshe HaYediot
Ace Reporter  

Politics       

Not much has happened in the past 25 years – well, not compared to the 5,000 that came before them. There has been a distinct absence of Jewish US Presidents, though there was an actor, a CIA agent and a philanderer in the White House. Given your well remembered acting ability and connections with military intelligence, this is quite appropriate to you – no comment on the third guy, a Mr. Bill Clinton (though like you he likes music). Now there’s a kind of schlemiel in charge, son of the CIA agent, but hush, don’t tell anyone, cos he kind of likes us over here.  

In Israel, every prime minister has been Jewish, and we’ve seen quite a few of your old friends taking the reins of power. God only knows what you might have got up to these days, especially if you had seen your old military “friend” Ariel aspiring to be a statesman. To be honest though, it’s not always been a laugh. But some of our best agents have now gone to join you in the field – it’s been a sacrifice over here, but we’re expecting you to at least make some improvements.  

I don’t know, talk to God, pull some strings, see what he can do.

Sport

Your old favourite Pelé is a bit past his prime these days, but he has handed on to a generation of Brazilians even more successful than his own, if that’s possible. I suspect, though, that they are suffering from the lack of Israeli military advice. This would explain their poor defence.  

Music

The Beatles remain as popular as ever., although they are only half the team they used to Perhaps on one of your morning walks you have  met John and George who are up there with you

Your old friend Isaac Stern also passed away. I am unsure  what you or he would think of many of the violinists today who have converted their instruments to an electric version and are dressed like models  

I suspect you the great lover of information would have adored this new way we use the telephone lines to push down words, photos and give ourselves access to reams of intelligence. If you have access switch on and log onto your Web as in Spider web site. It’s called www.nachmankarni.org I won’t get into why it should be called that, it’s just too complicated

What we really have not seen enough of late is humourists. The world is serious with a capital S at present. The quick reparteee that you, Jack Benny and George Burns’ shared is missing ( By the way Jack hung on until he was 103, not bad for a guy who had cigar a day)